tl;dr - a snarky review of a Q-atalog…
After seven decades of life, I’m on many mailing lists and thus get catalogs regularly from places I’ve never heard of, let alone done business with before. Some of those lists result in my getting catalogs better suited for hunters, doom preppers, or - once - a catalog meant for “mercenary soldiers”, I kid you not. Sometimes I get a chuckle out of a catalog when skimming through it before putting it in the recycle bin. Today, thanks to the boundless efficiency of USPS and their zip code machines, I got a catalog meant for [someone] or Current Resident, who lives 3 city blocks away from me.
Note: Italics are my comments on all the fun stuff in this catalog.
On the other side of the cover, is a product menu entitled “Resources to Help Set You FREE…” The offerings (with page numbers shown for easy reference) include: Natural Cures (21 pages worth); Love and Sex (only 2 pages needed for that); Free Energy (4 pages); Higher Consciousness (4 pages); Money Making Ideas (2 pages - they likely realize not much will work in that category, either.)
Then - break for a one-page Article: “Your Standard of Living is Under Attack from Every Direction!” (...aaandd here come our hands for your wallet….)
Grifting Part Two: Free Stuff Coupons (1 page); a two-page order form; OOPS! One more page of Money Making Ideas (continued), followed by only 1 page each of Testimonials and Emergency Preparedness. Then come a whopping 10 pages on “Lawful Sovereignty”, followed by almost 30 pages on “The Conspiracy” (featuring winners like “The Illuminati and Other Agents of Control” - Maxwell Smart, anyone? - and “ETs, UFOs, AI and the Alien Agenda”) And finally, one page of DVDs and Books (presumably generics). With a disclaimer, but who bothers to read the fine print anyway?…
The bottom quarter of this page contains the “ISA Mission Statement”, and it’s inspiring (or conspiring, depending on your POV.) Again, italics are my comments on their mission statement.
Our mission is to shine the light of truth on the darkness of fear, deception and coercion that plagues our modern society. By offering information, resources and conscious solutions wherever possible, we hope to raise awareness, to correct distorted perceptions, to provoke critical thinking, to awaken people from their slumber, and to stimulate the innate desire of humanity for truth and freedom.
Wait - that sounds a lot like what the Democrats’ agenda is!
We aim to leave no stone unturned in our endeavor to reveal the complete truth of what is happening on Earth and beyond. (Buzz Lightyear is an RWNJ?) We firmly believe that it is only by confronting the darkness head on, and shaking off apathy and denial, that we can transform and transcend it. (Trans people on the Far Right, too.) Ultimately, our purpose is to remind humanity of the greatest truth of all: That every person is a divine and infinite being with the power to choose and experience whatever reality they wish to create. (With the help of magic shrooms, no doubt.)
Out of curiosity, I flipped through some of the product listings to see what the wallet damage would be. Most of the crap…er, inventory… listed appear to be pamphlets and DVDs ranging from around $5 to $20 each.
• “The Amazing Super Powers of Blue Water” appears to be on sale; $9.00 regular price, marked down to $4.50.
• The DVD “How to Make an Anti-Nano Device to Rid your Body of Nanobots” sounds helpful, and at a low, low price of only $16.
• OTOH, a different DVD “Ways to Stop Nano Filaments and Nano Fibers Replicating in Your Body” (in case the anti-nano device you previously made sucks) is $18.
• OOH! Another bargain: “List of Herbs Which Increase Psychic Ability”, at half-price for $4.50. (I bet you didn’t see that coming!)
But I’m confused. The $4.00 “report” on page 10, “Medical Fraud: Diabetes is Not a Real Disease”, seems to be in conflict with the $18 DVD on page 16, “Heal Loose Teeth, Cavities, Bleeding and Receding Gums Without Going to the Dentist”…which is a boon to folks who don’t have dental insurance, but the description of the DVD states in part,
“Remember, there is a connection between the health and state of your teeth, and diseases like diabetes and heart disorders.”
So for $4, diabetes isn’t a disease, yet for $18, it is….
Perhaps an actual medication, in lieu of pamphlets and DVDs, would be money better spent on one’s teeth.
• Fermented Cod Liver Oil and Butter Oil (“The Magical ‘Activator X’ Which Prevents Tooth Decay”) - 120 capsules, $44.
• Peri-Gum (“Conquer Every Gum and Dental Disease”) - 1 oz./30 ml bottle, $26.
• Tooth Soap (“All Natural, Powerful Toothpaste Replacement”) - 2 oz bottle, $26.99.
• Ratfish Liver Oil (“The Phenomenal Antioxidant Oil that Prevents and Cures Tooth Decay”) - 10 ml bottle, $33.
Hmm…maybe just stick with horse dewormer, eh?
Page 49 lists (“NEW”) Non-Lethal Self Defense Kit - “…It looks and performs just like a real gun but is not lethal.” (Let’s hope the cops know this.) For a mere $8, you can get “contact info” to purchase said non-lethal kit.
Well, my prurient instincts drove me to peruse the Love and Sex section on page 32. The offerings are mostly DVDs for less than $20 each, with titles like
• “Women Frankly Reveal What They Want in Men” (for the terminally unaware);
• “Fast Attraction: Can This Technique Make Someone Love You in 30 Minutes?” (even the DVD producers aren’t sure about that);
• “How to Be a Better Lover with Full Body Orgasms” (does it require full body armor?)
• But there’s an actual handbook for $21.95 - “The Players Guide to Picking Up Women” (psshh, that’s easy - arms around the waist, then bend at the knees and use your legs to lift.)
Well, I think I’ll just leave the rest of the catalog unread. I may be wrong, but the Illuminati never struck me as something to stay up nights worrying about. OTOH, nano fiber replication in my body….? Nah.
If you want more info on the many pamphlets, DVDs, and overpriced “cure alls” in the catalog, the catalog’s title is its website, but I’m not going to provide a link.